Five Minute Fridays: True

Five Minute Fridays is hosted by Lisa-Jo Baker, encouraging bloggers to write on a prompt unedited for five minutes.  This weeks prompt is True

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Often times I'm scared to let my true self be seen in my writing.

I'm not a writer, I tell myself.  I'm a computer programmer, thriving on logic, rules, data, and debugging.  My blog is just an outlet, to record life and feel productive on days where the to-do list gets longer instead of shorter.

Sometimes I put on this "blog voice" that is close to true most days, but not purely real.  And if its just close to true, is it then a lie?

So what's my true story?  Where have I been less than real in my writing? 

Waiting is hard.  Very hard.  Harder now than a year ago.  Sometimes I'm crabby and whiney and just want it to be "our turn".  But I don't post that.  I post with a positive spin.  Almost letting my blog post be what I need to hear, what I need to remind myself, the words that I put on repeat when my I'm-so-tired-of-waiting-already-self has to flip another month on the calendar.  I try to surround myself with Truth, but its so hard for it to sink into my heart some days.  To have what my heart feels match the Truth my head knows.

Sometimes seeing babies, holding babies, hearing about babies is hard.  Do I avoid it?  No.  Do I want others to tip-toe around me?  No.  I love my friends and their little ones and sometimes baby snuggles do me good.  Other days though it makes me cry.  Not as often as it once did, but it happens. 

And those days I walk past our empty nursery and sigh...

Thankfully our son's room is right next door -- his big smile and bear hug have true power.


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Take a minute to visit Lisa-Jo's site and read some of the amazing posts others have put together on the prompt.  Or take 5 minutes and join in!