Beautiful Mess: Pondering Beautiful

I was standing in a room full of mothers, letting the worship music pour over me, fill me to overflowing.  "He makes beautiful things..." the chorus told.  Its something I've always known with my head but sometimes denied with my heart.  It was part of the message the speakers were sharing.  And I realized in that moment its something I should share about, a story that needed to be told.

Its easier for me to ponder the messy side of the Beautiful Mess theme of MOPS this year.  Admitting I have a mess, especially if the discussion stays at the surface level of my messy house. Yep, its a mess, no need to try to hide that.  A bit harder to talk about life messes, character flaws, pain I've caused others, etc.

Yet what is harder still is to talk about beauty.  Of course I'm quick to admit I see the beauty of creation all around me.  I see beauty in the precious face of my son.  I see beauty in the life God has given me.  But do I see beauty in me?  That's where it gets tough. 

I grew up in a Christian home, with amazing parents, was very involved in church, youth group, bible studies, personal quiet time, mission trips, you name it.  I heard all the right Truth in my growing up years (God looking at our heart, not judging by outward appearance, God making all things new/beautiful, God loving all of me, and more), but some how Truths about beauty were twisted into lies.  Somewhere along the way I picked up the idea that God only made me beautiful on the inside.  I told myself I was thankful He gave smarts instead of outward beauty.  I decided I was OK with never being beautiful.  End of story.

Or so I thought.

Then an amazing thing happen.  I started dating a young man (who is now my husband) my senior year in high school (the idea that someone would ever want to date me was amazing to me in the first place).  One evening early in our relationship we were driving somewhere in his car.  I was dressed up.  He looked over and said "You look beautiful tonight". 

I had never heard that from someone who wasn't family (I considered family biased when it came to such statements).  I sort of lost it. 

OK maybe a lot.  Maybe that one compliment caused our first fight.  Seriously.

It took a long time, but he convinced me that he truly did see me as beautiful on the inside AND the outside.  God used him to slowly undo the damage those lies about beauty had done.  God used the young man who would be my husband to speak Truth to me that I hadn't let soak in before.

To be honest though its still something I struggle with.  I am thankful for who and how God made me.  He makes beautiful.  That includes me.  It includes you.  And to be honest its still good to hear out loud.  My heart just melts when my son tells me that he thinks I'm beautiful.

I try to remember when I look in the mirror, remind myself to let my smile shine beautiful and my love show beautiful, even if it means my emotions are at the surface more than I'd like.  The beautiful that God made me is meant to be shared, to bring glory to Him.

So look yourself in the mirror friends and remind yourself too.

(and in case you need to be reminded by song, here you go)